How far have we come: working with children and young people
How far have we come?
By Kim Ward
Therapy with children and young people using processwork skills, as part of the BBC Children in Need project at Wellspring centre for psychotherapy and counselling.
We received funding in 2017 from ‘children in need’ to set up this project with four therapists and two clinical managers. We met regularly to arrange meeting with families and deciding whether the child attend therapy at Wellspring where we have a playroom or arrange to meet in a room in their school. There is lots of organising and networking to do with families and school to create a good space to work in and with opportunities the folks involved in the child or young person’s wellbeing.
There are important moments in therapy when I feel moved by a child or young person (or adult in that matter) when they open up to something deep inside, that they are able to articulate in that moment; brief and concise or suggestive. That makes our work together, over weeks and months and sometimes over a year or two, meaningful and open to transformation. Understanding this confidential space, where the child or young person choses what to play or focus on, that allow feelings to emerge into words or modes of expression.
In this creative and confidential space of play therapy (though I use this term more generally than the qualified play therapist, a training course) there is lots of ‘acting out’, making with busy hands, arranging with toys and figures, directing the dramas of their lives. As I allow this space for the child to explore their inner worlds through play, I may well feel a little in the dark as to what is going on, but I apply some very helpful tools and concepts that help me track our experiences and find hypothesis as to the individuals processes or the direction of their growth.
Let me give an example of the kind of work that goes on the play room.
One young 8-year- old boy comes to me with issues of disruptive behaviour at school, where he sent home almost daily for lunch. His mother a single mum is worried about this behaviour and asks for support; the school is unable to support him and often mum feels blamed. It is during lockdown and we meet on line and the young lad is so keen to reach out to me on zoom and tell me about his pokemon cards and their various powers, I am curious in this fascination – he recalls each name of these fantastical card creatures and their qualities and strengths. When we are able to meet at Wellspring, this young lad invents a game of making lots of balls of red and white model magic (a kind of playdough) which he carefully lines up in rows like a chess board – I take on the white balls, he plays the red. And the battles of breaking through these walls makes a strong and powerful engagement. As we play I take note of how the energy escalates, he gets kind of carried away with this powerful feeling. Alas I am not able to keep up and so I bring turtle to my aid to slow down the game. At first, he is resistant to my intervention and my needs, wanting to snatch turtle. But I insist and so the battle of wills surfaces, until after many repetitions he begins to take note of his own escalations and his ability to self-regulate and appreciate the lower, slower energy of turtle. This process of escalation of energies, and the impact it has on each of us, is part of learning to notice the expression and quality of ‘anger’ and include choice to de-escalate or self-regulate. I might add here that my own understanding of ‘anger’, often an unpopular emotion, that can get us into trouble, yet it can be explored as a need to feel strong or assert oneself, not a bad thing in itself. The work requires more understand and identifying with one’s anger, and channel it in a more positive way. Ones’ emotional literacy is a every changing landscape of change and challenges; emotions are also a physical experience which we can learn to embody and include consciously in our daily lives, in play and relationships.
A little theory of Channel work.
Channel work refers to how we perceive information through our sense of hearing (auditory), seeing (visual), movement (kinaesthetic) and body feelings (proprioception). (Gregory Bateson’s theory of communication “steps to an ecology of mind) Each of these channels of awareness pertain subchannels, expressions of its own nature. Within the auditory channel we can differentiate verbal from the non-verbal, sounds, tone, volume, rhythm, pitch… in my work with the child above I might notice the volume in our game and say, “this is getting very loud” I match the volume, and possibly slow down my articulation, as a way of bring greater awareness to the experience and the possibility of choice, “can we go lower?” I suggest, using my hand to indicate the level of volume from high to low, I appeal to their ability to ‘see’ volume with my hand movement and hear the volume changing from high/intense to low/ quieter.
A child moving around the room, fast or slow, jumping on chairs is ‘acting out’ in the movement channel. I might join the client in the movement channel by possibly placing cushions to step onto, creating an obstacle path, can bring greater awareness to movement where the child is faced with the challenge of negotiating obstacle and learning about spatial awareness. Subchannels of movement can include; speed, slow motion, large expansion spaces and restriction or tight spaces – like not falling in the water!! With young children I have used hide and seek, by hiding some little play things that they have to find in the play room, exploring the space of the room using their eyes and movement as they move around the room and I indicate hot or cold (proprioception). Then of course we take turns, as the child hides an object that I have to find.
Communication theory and channel work (developed by Arnold Mindell) offers great training in awareness of sensory- grounded information, (this work is very much akin to mindful training that has become very popular these days) by amplifying the experiences, by differentiating each channel of expressions to help us track what we are doing. Working along-side the children, using channel awareness, amplification and creative expression of their difficulties, helps to deepen their own understanding and ability to express or articulate their experiences and needs. When working with a child I ‘meta-communicate’ or speak out loud what I notice, helping the young person to mentalise their experiences and begin to tell their own stories and make sense to their experiences.
I do not judge or punish their experiences; rather I take note and bring awareness to the energies and qualities of their play, or expression with compassion and understanding. Together we are learning how to deal with difficult emotions, acting out, learning conflict resolution skills, facing fears, exploring monsters, sadness, loss and more. And I add playfulness give a sense of joy and curiosity.
The 4 simple channels of awareness that I referred to extend into Relationship channel and World channel, which are composite channels which use visual, auditory, movement and feelings in relationship to another person or being in the relationship channel. And World channel refers to our environment (including groups, family, organisations,schools, nature, nation etc) and the bigger world, which manifest also through our senses or the simple channels.
The bigger picture and field theory
We set up a safe space to work 1:1 with a child or young person to enable them to explore their everyday living experiences as well as their feelings that may be in the background and emerge in the play and can help them develop a greater sense of themselves and validate their inner lives, feelings, disturbances, dreams and moods.
As we grow as children we learn that some parts of ourselves are welcome, encouraged whereas other parts are dismissed, repressed, frowned upon or even punished, and may be therefore relegated to an unconscious or dreaming realm. As therapists and process workers we are interested in all parts of an individual and the field or social context in which they live. This holistic model, encapsulates the young person’s subjective or dreaming experiences of home, of school, of social contexts that may include violence, complications at home, neglect, loss, bereavement and for some children escape from war or poverty and moves across the world, or just busy modern life that get in the way of child care. Life happens! The therapist is informed of these experiences in an interview with parents and carers before the work begins.
How these experiences emerge or manifest in therapy is multi-layered, and each child is quite unique. And this is what I refer to as the dreaming reality; how individuals internalise and express their experiences which includes their intuitive, creativity, their emotions, dreams, moods and concerns.
Let me offer an illustration, of a young child who was finding it hard to interact with other kids and not engaging in school work – sort of dreaming the days away. In the background there was an accusation of sexual abuse, which led separation on parents and although the accusation was not proven, the parents had separated.
This is a creative child who is very skilful in making creatures, whales, sharks, crocodiles – large predatory creatures with plasticine. Their attention to detail is exquisite, their ability to see and make realistic dinosaurs and correct my versions is very impressive. The attention he gives to the teeth, baby teeth and big teeth is symbolic of him biting back, standing up for himself. We had many play fights in our sessions, with hand puppets which offer a physical protection and at the same time brought out actions and words to his silent struggles. Each puppet was portraying characters and qualities, like fierce dog who did a lot of biting and attacking in relationship to my puppets. I was also given puppets to bring out the story. I played reindeer who was good at commenting on the actions, asking questions to his friend rabbit, being curious about the emerging dynamics.
These interactions take on the mythic quality of story-telling, monsters, super-heroes, quiet wise characters, magicians and magic. The rescuer, the traveller to other planets, death and revival.
Using system’s theory, I am able to recognise different parts, or roles or dream figures in the field. One child asked me to write down the story and tell it again the following week, for the next episode. This is a dream unfolding in our waking lives, with the child or young person directing and making choices in how the drama unfolds. Learning how to make sense of their young lives and equipping themselves with useful skills and resources. The power of the imagination.
Other children like to paint in bright colours, rainbows, dark colours expressing different moods and feelings while others enjoy making magic spells with slime, glue and paint and sparkles. These activities engage all the senses in a kind of focus and relaxed manner that allow the client to explore their concerns and worries with the therapist reflective and deep listening.
Field theory refers, not only to roles in the field, but also the atmosphere that we sense with our feelings and fantasies.
“In any group or ‘field’ permeates us as individuals and spans entire groups…. families, organisations, schools, cities and the environment. The field can be felt, it is hostile, or loving, repressed or fluid. It consists not only of such overt, visible, tangible structures (such as curriculum, agendas and appointed roles) but also hidden, invisible, intangible emotional processes such as jealousy, prejudice, hurt and anger.” (Mindell A, “Sitting in the Fire: large group transformation using conflict and diversity”)
Working with children and young people we find ways of working along-side the families and teachers they depend on. Field Theory and systems theory are also very helpful concepts for framing the bigger picture or field we are working in. (of the child’s life). The Dreaming field describes the background dynamics that are being played out or manifesting in various ways in the therapy room.
When the schools are on holiday, I arrange to meet with the child, young person and their parent(s) at Wellspring for a review of our work, to develop a sense of team work, that we are all working together with the child in the centre.
My job is helping to facilitate these interactions, to deepen their relationship and attunement to each other. These joint meetings are an opportunity for parents to witness what we do in therapy, giving the child an opportunity to be seen in their spontaneous play and creative story-telling.
I recall one final session with a father and his young son. The child had invented a game with a figure of Darth Vadar (from Star Wars) and bat boy, entangled with wool, we would pull on this web engaging his super powers to disentangle himself. Intense play and by surprise his dad, who had been watching, took off his shoes and joined us on the carpet to play together. The little boy of 7 was quite surprised to see his dad stepping into playing out these conflictual moments that the boy had felt alone with.
I am also witness to their relationship when there are tender moments of sitting on the same little seat and painting together. When I can appreciate this closeness and shared affection. Or when a child appeals to my support to speak openly with a parent, at times some difficult conversations. I am also deeply touched when parents are able to share their difficulties of juggling the outer demands of work/life and child care. For roles in the family can be shared, although parents have more power and resources to parent, there are moments when the young person steps up, cares of a younger sibling or unwell parent, find solutions and more fluid interactions can open up more reciprocal relationships.
At these joint meetings I am able to bring attention to what is happening, in the moment, play together, making and voicing our different stories, bringing an overview to the work and encouraging the direction we are moving in. When children are able to hear their parent’s stories too, creating a sharing and deeper understanding of where they come from and helping them forming identities.
I work with families who come from other countries and whenever possible they return in the holidays to enjoy reconnecting with family and feeling the support of grandparents and extended family. There are kids who resist speaking English and having to learn all over again concepts they had mastered in their native tongue. One girl simply refused to speak English and continued to speak in her native tongue with her mum. I am ok with this as I can see what is going on, feel the moods in the interactions without understanding exactly what is being said. However, I am also interested when mum spoke passionately about their visits to her land of origin and how she misses the food the eating together and growing food on the land. In these stories we discover the missing parts, the communities and activities and from there we find ways of rediscovering these parts or role her in Edinburgh too. We discover actually how her work as a baker is continuing this tradition and finding new ways of organising her work place that is more in tune with her deeper nature and culture as well as quality time with her child.
Working with children and young people using field theory and communication theory offers frame works to understand their lived experiences. and finding ways together of how to name or frame or show these difficulties and find ways of moving along, transitioning from hurt and angry relationships, transforming difficult energies into more into creative ways of expression, understanding and healing journeys together.
It feels a big privilege to work with the families through the Wellspring BBC Children in Need program. I am also grateful today for the openness of schools and teachers and families towards counselling profession – it is a huge change from my day in growing up where issues were so often swept under the carpet and needing therapy was seen as something shameful.
I rather like that expression that it ‘takes a village’ to care for each child, as it takes away the onus of one parent or family and brings back a sense of community and collective challenges of taking care of the needs of our children and young people.
30.11.23